Kulti by Mariana Zapata

March 25, 2015 Book Review 0 ★★★★½

Kulti by Mariana Zapatafour-half-stars
Kulti by Mariana Zapata
Published by Self-published on March 20, 2015
Genres: Contemporary Romance
Pages: 495
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“Trust me, I’ve wanted to punch you in the face a time or five.”
When the man you worshipped as a kid becomes your coach, it’s supposed to be the greatest thing in the world. Keywords: supposed to.
It didn’t take a week for twenty-seven-year-old Sal Casillas to wonder what she’d seen in the international soccer icon—why she’d ever had his posters on her wall, or ever envisioned marrying him and having super-playing soccer babies.
Sal had long ago gotten over the worst non-break-up in the history of imaginary relationships with a man that hadn’t known she’d existed. So she isn’t prepared for this version of Reiner Kulti who shows up to her team’s season: a quiet, reclusive, shadow of the explosive, passionate man he’d once been.
Nothing could have prepared her for the man she got to know.
Or the murderous urges he brought out in her.
“Sal, please don’t make me visit you in jail. Orange isn’t your color.”
This was going to be the longest season of her life.

By SparklesIt’s awesome when you find that one book that’s slightly out of the norm; that has that je ne sais quoi (ha! Sorry, always wanted to say that!) that makes it fresh and different, and why not, special amongst other books.

So, this is the story of Sal, your average female pro football (that’s soccer to most of you) player. Her life path was decided for her the minute she saw a young German player make the goal of a game. Since that moment all she wanted was to be like Kulti, and well, to be with Kulti, marry him and have lots of soccer-playing-super-babies.

But the hot German Chocolate Cake not only betrayed her by getting married to some floozy instead of her (in spite, of course, of him not knowing of her existence and the 12 years age difference) but he also injured her brother (also a pro player) during a game.

So after a decade of celebrity-crushing on him, all the posters were torn, all the feelings turned into indifference (yeah, right) and Sal just got on with her life and her career as a pro athlete.

But fate is a fickle mistress…or something like that, and the saying “be careful what you wish for” came to bite Sal in the butt. Because guess who is the new assistant coach of her club for the season? None other than the one and only Reiner Kulti. Thus begins the epic tale of how Sal melts the freaking asshole ice-cube that is Kulti.

So, I liked the plot of the book. It was original and fresh. The whole story is from Sal’s point of view and I must say that the beginning is a little slow. As in sloooooow. I believe that in the first 20% of the book Kulti utters 5 words in total. He is a complete and totally silent prick. He is rude time and time again, even after Sal saves his ass. We spend all this time in Sal’s head with no real interaction between them and I have to confess it was a little tedious, I think that if there were some little snippets of insight into Kulti’s head it would have been awesome.

Still, the book kept me engaged and snickering when I was not outright laughing my ass off at Sal’s antics and thought process.

Rationally, I knew that mooning over him was stupid. I was too old for this crap, and I’d gotten over my crush a decade ago. […]Kulti was just a man. I closed my eyes and thought of the first thing that could get me out of my holyshitit’sKultistandingrightthere.


He poops.

He poops.

Right. That was all I needed to snap out of it.

Meanwhile, in my head, I flicked him off with both hands at the same time. Maturity was definitely a personal strength of mine.


So finally, Kulti starts to ease a bit on his “I’m a complete asshole and I can’t stand anyone” routine and they began to hang out because poor Kulti has nothing else to do. So little by little, tiny baby step by tiny baby step, Kulti becomes a human being… with constant outbursts of total deuchery, of course, but hey… in the end, he totally makes up for it.

By 50% things start to get a bit more interesting between them:

 “Everyone is attracted to certain things, even you.”

Those hazel-green eyes blinked at the speed of a moving glacier. “You want to know what I’m attracted to?


“I like legs.”

Legs? “And?”

His eyes narrowed just barely. “Confidence”.


“Nice teeth.”


“A beautiful face.”

My eyelid may have started twitching.

“Someone who makes me laugh”

The twitching went into overdrive. “Are you making stuff up?” Because, really? Kulti laughing? Ha.

“Is there something wrong with my list? He asked with a stony even glare.

“There wouldn’t be anything wrong with it if you weren’t randomly blurting stuff out. Someone who makes you laugh? I feel like you’re going to start describing a unicorn after that”

But still, their relationship doesn’t get explicitly romantic until well past the 80% mark and I have to report my dismay at having only 2 sexy scenes right at the end of the book. Those scenes were FREAKING HOT… but I would have liked for them to have a bit more air time as a together couple.

Even with all this, I loved this book. LOVED it. I stayed up till 7 am (I didn’t realize it was that late/early) to finish it. Kulti is probably going to be one of my favorite book boyfriends of the year…

I found some minor editing issues that while not enough to really bother you, there were more than a few and well… were there. This could have been corrected by a more thorough beta reader, so I’m taking off a little bit of rating because of it.

The other thing I was slightly disappointed by was the epilogue. I know, I know. Me and my complaints against epilogues, what can I say? I just love them. I would have liked a more in-depth look into them as a couple and not merely a mention of Sal’s successful career and her “upcoming” plans of starting a family.

Is there any way to persuade you, Señorita Zapata, to give me a little look-see into their life together or in Kulti’s head? That would be most appreciated, but regardless I’ll keep on reading your awesome books.

PS: I’d like to add that not EVERY Argentinian man is an asshole. I mean, men are idiots in general, my country (Argentina) is actually populated with a lot of said idiots, but there must be a couple that are ok…

Sparkles’ Rating: 4.5 Stars


About Sparkles

Don't let her sparkles fool you, give her an Epic Epilogue or she'll take you down with her ninja moves...

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